Self Care - A Change is Coming

Self care? What is that? It is a term I have only heard of recently. And all of sudden to me it seemed to be everywhere. It wasn’t something I had consciously thought of before. To look after myself. That doesn’t of course mean I hadn’t been doing it. When I was young and care free I definitely used to look after myself. Buying myself new clothes, reading books, having a hair cut, taking time to get myself dressed, going to the gym, going out for food. The list is endless. But as I have become a parent it just hasn’t been happening.

Self care is in theory simple yet something that we all too often over look. As a parent/mummy you have a tendency to put yourself last. Everyone’s needs seem to supersede my own. And this is self inflicted. I put myself last. A parents to do list is endless and looking after ourselves just either falls right to the bottom of the list or doesn’t make the list at all. It is just second nature to me now to worry about everything and everyone one before me. When I wrote “Who am I?” I realised I had lost my sense of self. That I was “just a mummy” and no longer an individual. Surely this is partly down to the fact that I given up looking after myself. I am no longer placing value on my own health and well being. You cannot be your best self without looking after yourself. This must change. Mum’s self care is important too.

I often complain that I have no time to look after myself, to have my hair cut, to do any exercise. But is this really true? Surely there is time but I am just not making it a priority. I am not placing enough if any value on looking after myself. How much time do I actually spend on myself a day? A few minutes to throw on clothes, brush hair/scrape into an actual messy bun (not the very cool Instagram worthy kind), apply a layer of foundation to face so as to appear vaguely human and life like. And that’s it. I don’t read, I don’t do any exercise, I don’t really do anything for myself. I do very little that’s sole purpose is to look after my own mental, physical or emotional well being.

Surely that can’t be good? I suddenly thought, “What example am I setting to my daughters?” I know only all too well how my daughters already copy me. Our children look to us for an example. I don’t want to raise two daughters who always put themselves last, who shy away from what they really want to do and what they need. I want them to always value themselves. To realise the importance of not only looking after others but also themselves. The importance of slowing down at times and taking time to do what really matters in life. I want them to be aware of their own mental health and the importance of looking after ourselves, of loving ourselves. What good are we to our children if we are broken. The happier I am, the better mother I will be to my children.

So that’s it. I need to set a better example. I need to show my daughters how to be kind to ourselves and then in turn how to be kind to others. I need to look after myself. I not only need to look after myself to set a good example but also because I need it. I deserve it. My body and mental well being need it. Otherwise I will end up running on empty. I am not talking about spending a fortune on myself or doing as I please, when I please. That doesn’t work. It is about making changes, small steps to care for myself. To do things that I will enjoy and make me feel good.

So what is on my mummy self care list? I have decided that I am going to have to write down my self care list down. As I have a sneaky suspicion unless I write it down the chances are slim to none that I will actually stick to it.

Exercise

When I googled mum self care, exercise often came up as an answer… However, right now the thought of exercise classes, the gym or even HIIT at home doesn’t appeal. Surely self care shouldn’t necessarily entail doing something that I don’t want to do or makes me feel worse about myself? So exercise classes, going to a gym are out. However, I have in the past enjoyed running. Running whilst listening to music used to be therapeutic. So here goes: running (but only with an enjoyable playlist) is on the list.

Hair!

Next an easy one! A haircut. Although self care does not necessarily have anything to do with making yourself look better it is instead about whatever is going to make you feel good or what you enjoy. And right now I have not had my hair cut in 7 months. It is a bit of a mop. I have made far too many excuses as to why I cannot get it done. Right off to phone hairdressers… Haircut booked. Have told my husband and he is charge of the girls! I am excited about this one!

Wardrobe

Since F was born my body has changed shape more times than I can remember. I still have clothes that I wore when I was breastfeeding in circulation. More worryingly, I still have my maternity knickers in circulation. They are so big and comfy but also have more holes than I would care to admit and the elastic is in need of retiring. In the bin they go! Don’t get me wrong I am not going to start wearing some sort of ridiculously small (surely highly uncomfortable) undergarments. That would not count as self care to me. I will be going for comfort but not something I would be embarrassed to be seen in case of an emergency. This brings me onto my bras. Again none quite fit like they should do and not sure what they are doing in the way of support. I had never had a bra fitting but recently went to have one. This was revolutionary. Firstly, I was wearing completely the wrong size and secondly I am now very proud of my boobs! They actually look pretty good even if I do say so myself.

Rest

Sleep. Something that every parent knows is far too precious. Again though, something that is highly advocated for a person’s well being. Now, if someone could explain to F that mummy needs 8 hours a night that might help. In the absence of her sleeping through for one or many reasons, the next thing to go on my mum self care list is to allow myself to have a lie in (as much as the school run allows) if F does not sleep well at night. Why am I forcing myself to get up at 6am to do an hours work before the girls wake up when I have only had 5 hours sleep. Hopefully this is something that will get better.

Diet

I am not going on a diet. I don’t need to. I don’t want to. I will say it again: I do not believe self care should be about doing something that you don’t want to do. I am however, going to take care of my body and eat better. I have recently read more and more about the health benefits of veganism. It seems to me that the benefits are undeniable. I want to be healthy. I want my family to be healthy. So we have made the decision to cut down on meat. No overnight radical diet though. We are making changes, we are improving what we eat as a family. I want to do what is best for my body. I want to feel well!

Time Out

Next for my self care I need some down time. I need time out. Some time away from it all and time to feel like an individual, to recharge. So on my list is a day, a night or an afternoon once a month away from it all. No feeling guilty about leaving the family behind. Not always putting their social engagements before my own!

Mindfulness

Finally on my mummy self care list is something I have already started on. Mindfulness. I have been using writing as a way to become more aware of my thoughts and feelings. I have been taking small amounts of time out of my day to slow down my thoughts and let go of worries.

Making my self care a priority is not going to be easy. It is not something that I am used to doing and will take practice. It will take stepping out of my now normal comfort zone of putting everyone else and everything else first. I will have to make intentional choices to make changes, to make improvements. Looking after me has not even made it to my to do list before. I am determined to make improvements. I am determined to feel better, to be happier, to look after myself. Now off for a cup of tea!